Many if not all of us have experienced being heartbroken at one time or another by someone who we trusted and believed in. This person was someone who we respected, admired and who had a proven track record that validated our expectations of them. They could have been a husband, wife, and family member of even a close friend, someone who you would have never expected to break your expectations of them in the relationship.
The shattering of your image of this person caused what we call a broken heart which leads to suffering, exhibiting overwhelming sorrow, grief or disappointment. For some it has caused a severe case of depression that can only be handled and cared by a doctor and medication, unfortunately some have never recovered.
Recovering from what many call a broken heart is really recovering from Broken Expectations of that person. Allow me to share a part of my experience of my broken expectations from my previous marriage of 33 years.
Growing up in a single family home with five other siblings and the only one from the same dad, I created some high expectations for myself as a husband and a father which gave me the love, patience and tenacity to stay put when shit hit the fan. The ultimate goal was to be a role model to our children and grandchildren of what marriage is supposed to be. Well after 33 years of marriage my expectations and I’m sure hers as well were broken, shattered, dismantled and completely destroyed and I knowingly and unknowingly was a major player in the outcome.
I was disgusted and disappointed with myself because I failed to meet my own expectations of what I had foreseen for my family. I was lost at sea and didn’t know where to turn with no sight of land.
I had to find a way to create new realistic expectations for myself that would help me start a new life. These are the steps that I took that gave me a new start which led to me finding and loving myself like never before. I was able to start a new relationship that has allowed me to learn how to love again and to be loved in the same way. This experience gave me a new outlook on life that has led me to write my first book called If I Could Tell Her.
I kept love in the forefront.
In the mist of all the chaos and my emotions in dysfunction I knew that keeping my heart and mind on loving myself and my former wife was vital to my recovery from the disaster. This attitude was the primary reason for my new start.
I forgave myself and her.
I acknowledged that I was part of the crisis and that blaming and beating myself up was not going help me pull out the problem. Forgiving myself and my former wife was the best thing that I could do if I wanted to move forward.
I took responsibility for my actions.
I took full responsibility for my actions that caused the divorce and rejected anything that was outside of my control no matter what anyone said.
I found a good reason to live.
My granddaughter was just a few months old and I wanted to be around for her and best the best papa to her.
I thought of all the good things that I learned and gained.
I took time to think of the good things that I experienced in the relationship and how they helped me become the man that I was.
I thought about how much more I had to offer to others.
I realized that I still had my health, my sanity and people who loved me and looked up to me as a good man.
I gave myself a second chance.
I had dreams, goals, places that I wanted to travel to. Books to write and new people to meet, and help to improve their quality of life. I decided to move forward and try again. I gave myself a second chance.